Christmas Day!

Today, we had a first Christmas without Teresa. Everyone felt the pressure of her not being her, but we held each other up. We actually done better than all of us had anticipated. Don't get me wrong there were moments of remorse here and there. But, I was proud that we pulled through.

What can I say? Other than she will be missed not only this year, but every year after too.

Boo-Loo

Yesterday, our family was disappointed again. My niece, Boo-Loo(nickname), was sent to a group home. Her mother states that the reason is for her being depressed because of the loss of our sis, Teresa.

Yes, its true that Boo-Loo spent alot of time on the weekends with Teresa before she got really sick. They were close. And Boo-Loo did talk to me a couple of times about missing her aunt, but never did I feel that she was that depressed.

I just pray that she gets the help that she needs.

The holidays are almost here. I can remember last year around this time, when I was out shopping for Teresa a gift. And how Teresa really enjoyed Christmas. She liked looking at the light displays at different houses. Even when I helped her put up her Xmas tree and lights above her mantel. Teresa wanted it to be so perfect.

I don't know how we're going to make it through this Christmas without her. It's like if we all would of known last year that she wouldn't be here this year, we would of done things differently. But, how could we have known?

Its like from this day forward, we now cherish one another like its our last.

Do you feel the same to share?

Another funeral

On Friday, our family experienced another funeral that hit so close to home. Yes, we laid to rest my cousin, D.C. I cant describe the feelings I have over another family member. Twice in the same year.

I have forgotten how talented that D.C. was until another one of our cousins mentioned it in their remarks. She spoke of how he could do back flips from one end of the street to the other, without stopping in between. D.C. was also a very talented artist. He could look at a picture once and draw it without a second glance. Or originally draw anything.  Also, he loved to make music. Yes. D.C. ambitions were to become a famous rapper. Even though I'm not a rap fan myself, when he rapped he spoke about the normal lives of us all. I liked a lot of his songs now.

His funeral was a nice. All the family was gathered here once again to pay tribute to the life and legacy of one of our beloved  family members.

With dedications especially on the programs to my late mother, M.J., and my sister, Teresa. A beautiful tribute to them!

Will you share today?

Dont compare!

Today, I just want to ask a question? Why do we compare what "this" or "that" person did before or after our loved one that has past away? Is it our natural defense to do that? Or are we still somewhere in the grieving process?

Since my cousin died, I have found myself "comparing" our family involvement to when my sister, Teresa, past away back in July. Its like I compare what he/she didn't do for Teresa to what they are now doing for my cousin. I hate to be this way. Only the Lord knows my regrets.

I just wanted to share that even after 5months(tomorrow), I'm still grieving.

Do you feel the same? Will you share?

Another Death In The Family

Yes, all too soon, I yet add another death to my immediate family.  At 4:30am, I received a call from one of my sisters that our first cousin had had a massive heart attack and died. He was only 35 years old with no prior medical conditions.

In as much disbelief as with my sisters' death, I went up to the ER where the rest of the family was gathering. Shocked to hear the news. To the turn of events that led up to his sudden death. 

My heart went out to my aunt. Never again getting to see her son. 

That should tell us all something. That there has never been nor will it ever be an age restriction on death.

Will you share your story?

Listen! They're telling you

Its been a while. But, I'm still here posting.

I thought of Teresa alot today. Even shed a few tears. Funny, I didn't really recall why I even started crying. It could just hit you quick.

But, today, our high school team went to the State Championships for the 9th year in a row. That's what set my emotional roller coaster off. I thought back to this same time last year, when Teresa was alive. She had started to have some signs of sickness on and off. Having good days and bad ones.

Teresa never was a big fan of football. She just liked it more since her husband, Michael, was really into it. I remember how she slept. How she needed just alittle of assistance then. There were days that I could of offered more of my time to her, even if it was just sitting and watching t.v. with her. Well, at least offered it to Michael so that he could enjoy himself watching the game or whatever. But, did I? No, Teresa would always tell me to go on home and tend to my family. And some days I would.

Why couldn't I see it in her eyes? Or even hear it in her voice. That...she wouldn't be "here" much longer.
I should of listened when she told me that she was too tired. But, I didn't. I kept pushing her to do her physical therapy, to make all her doctors appointments, or to even just get out of bed everyday.

Why didn't I let her rest? To just let her body heal. I thought I was looking out for her. And today, I still think that I was right in some way. You know why? Because after all the falls, wheelchair rides, practically having   to pick her up out of one chair to another....Teresa walked again. She walked!

Those were the days that I think blinded me to the fact  that I believed she was on the complete road to recovery. From the moment she walked, I just made it up in my mind that there was no turning back for her. But, even after the few short walks that she took, she still said the same thing, "I'm tired".

Why didn't I listen?

Will you share your story?