Christmas Day!

Today, we had a first Christmas without Teresa. Everyone felt the pressure of her not being her, but we held each other up. We actually done better than all of us had anticipated. Don't get me wrong there were moments of remorse here and there. But, I was proud that we pulled through.

What can I say? Other than she will be missed not only this year, but every year after too.

Boo-Loo

Yesterday, our family was disappointed again. My niece, Boo-Loo(nickname), was sent to a group home. Her mother states that the reason is for her being depressed because of the loss of our sis, Teresa.

Yes, its true that Boo-Loo spent alot of time on the weekends with Teresa before she got really sick. They were close. And Boo-Loo did talk to me a couple of times about missing her aunt, but never did I feel that she was that depressed.

I just pray that she gets the help that she needs.

The holidays are almost here. I can remember last year around this time, when I was out shopping for Teresa a gift. And how Teresa really enjoyed Christmas. She liked looking at the light displays at different houses. Even when I helped her put up her Xmas tree and lights above her mantel. Teresa wanted it to be so perfect.

I don't know how we're going to make it through this Christmas without her. It's like if we all would of known last year that she wouldn't be here this year, we would of done things differently. But, how could we have known?

Its like from this day forward, we now cherish one another like its our last.

Do you feel the same to share?

Another funeral

On Friday, our family experienced another funeral that hit so close to home. Yes, we laid to rest my cousin, D.C. I cant describe the feelings I have over another family member. Twice in the same year.

I have forgotten how talented that D.C. was until another one of our cousins mentioned it in their remarks. She spoke of how he could do back flips from one end of the street to the other, without stopping in between. D.C. was also a very talented artist. He could look at a picture once and draw it without a second glance. Or originally draw anything.  Also, he loved to make music. Yes. D.C. ambitions were to become a famous rapper. Even though I'm not a rap fan myself, when he rapped he spoke about the normal lives of us all. I liked a lot of his songs now.

His funeral was a nice. All the family was gathered here once again to pay tribute to the life and legacy of one of our beloved  family members.

With dedications especially on the programs to my late mother, M.J., and my sister, Teresa. A beautiful tribute to them!

Will you share today?

Dont compare!

Today, I just want to ask a question? Why do we compare what "this" or "that" person did before or after our loved one that has past away? Is it our natural defense to do that? Or are we still somewhere in the grieving process?

Since my cousin died, I have found myself "comparing" our family involvement to when my sister, Teresa, past away back in July. Its like I compare what he/she didn't do for Teresa to what they are now doing for my cousin. I hate to be this way. Only the Lord knows my regrets.

I just wanted to share that even after 5months(tomorrow), I'm still grieving.

Do you feel the same? Will you share?

Another Death In The Family

Yes, all too soon, I yet add another death to my immediate family.  At 4:30am, I received a call from one of my sisters that our first cousin had had a massive heart attack and died. He was only 35 years old with no prior medical conditions.

In as much disbelief as with my sisters' death, I went up to the ER where the rest of the family was gathering. Shocked to hear the news. To the turn of events that led up to his sudden death. 

My heart went out to my aunt. Never again getting to see her son. 

That should tell us all something. That there has never been nor will it ever be an age restriction on death.

Will you share your story?

Listen! They're telling you

Its been a while. But, I'm still here posting.

I thought of Teresa alot today. Even shed a few tears. Funny, I didn't really recall why I even started crying. It could just hit you quick.

But, today, our high school team went to the State Championships for the 9th year in a row. That's what set my emotional roller coaster off. I thought back to this same time last year, when Teresa was alive. She had started to have some signs of sickness on and off. Having good days and bad ones.

Teresa never was a big fan of football. She just liked it more since her husband, Michael, was really into it. I remember how she slept. How she needed just alittle of assistance then. There were days that I could of offered more of my time to her, even if it was just sitting and watching t.v. with her. Well, at least offered it to Michael so that he could enjoy himself watching the game or whatever. But, did I? No, Teresa would always tell me to go on home and tend to my family. And some days I would.

Why couldn't I see it in her eyes? Or even hear it in her voice. That...she wouldn't be "here" much longer.
I should of listened when she told me that she was too tired. But, I didn't. I kept pushing her to do her physical therapy, to make all her doctors appointments, or to even just get out of bed everyday.

Why didn't I let her rest? To just let her body heal. I thought I was looking out for her. And today, I still think that I was right in some way. You know why? Because after all the falls, wheelchair rides, practically having   to pick her up out of one chair to another....Teresa walked again. She walked!

Those were the days that I think blinded me to the fact  that I believed she was on the complete road to recovery. From the moment she walked, I just made it up in my mind that there was no turning back for her. But, even after the few short walks that she took, she still said the same thing, "I'm tired".

Why didn't I listen?

Will you share your story?

To be thankful?

Yes, today's Thanksgiving. Usually the day that FAMILY gathers to give thanks with one another. The word family is getting to be less in my vocabulary. I guess I should be thankful for the family that I do have left. But, in these holiday times, its hard to not remember the love ones that are no longer here.

Today for me was just as any other day. I haven't left my house. Sure, everyone else is gathering together. But, this year, I don't feel like it.

I want to stay remembering last year, when Teresa was here. When her smile greeted me as I walked in the door. When her health was the topic of all questions. When only her "look" at the kids were enough to settle them. Funny, how she had such an impact on them.

Yes, I'm sure thankful to have awaken this morning. And for my kids and husband. 

But, to gather and be thankful, Nope! I had to add my sister to another name in my family that's gone. Its too much to bear sometimes. Too many memories that are just that...memories. No more of them to make with her. Its permanent.

Now, we must live on with just memories.

So, for this Thanksgiving onward, I plan to make new memories. And to continue to tell my story of  my sister memories too.

With that being said, will you share some memories of the loved one you've lost?

Another Family Day

Today, the family all meet together again for 2 occasions. First, as we have started yearly now, pulling names for Christmas since our families our growing. And second, I figured since everyone would be here, to surprise my daughter with a birthday cake. We actually lit up the grill and had fun all around. As the kids ran in and out the doors of the house, it hit me! Like a bolt of lightning. This year, we didn't have Teresa here to fuss at the kids for doing that (running in and out the doors).  I feel like that was one of my sisters biggest  pet peeves. Teresa could be in middle of a sentence, but she kept her eyes on who went in and out the doors too many times. She couldn't stand it! Oh, and don't let the kids get to rough playing or jumping around too much. Teresa would clap those hands together a few times and say, "you beta sit down before I whoop you, cause my nerves cant take it".  She was always the stern one with the kids. And the kids knew that she wasn't playing with them either. They'd not only stopped whatever they were doing to get corrected by her, but they certainly knew NOT to even think of trying it again.

That leads me to the other reason we meet up today too. To pull names for Christmas. For the past 3- 4 years we started this. Usually we would put both adults and kids in the hat. But, this year, we only put the kids. To me, it wouldn't be the same without her name in there. Because even before the name pulling started, I always got Teresa a gift. This year, is just gonna make it official. She wont be there. Yes, they say the first holidays are the worst. It certainly will be. But, I do believe that forever we will be reminded of her, it will just get easier for us as we learn to cope with the reality. The reality? Its only been 4 months. That word (reality) is the last thing on my mind right now. 

Thank you

Will you share your story?

Who is Teresa Jones?

Hello. And welcome to my blog. I've never done anything like this before. So, please bare with me. I wanted to start a blog that would give us a place to talk about our loved ones. Whether the memories were good or bad. Here, I want you to be able to speak freely about them. Maybe there were some things left unsaid. Or just to let the world know about your loved one. Whatever the case, speak now!

I want to start by telling my story. My sis, Teresa, died on July 11, 2010. She was 41 years old. She died of complications of a disease called Polymyositis (its a disease whereas it affects your major muscles that causes them to be weak and in time possibly losing function of that muscle = hips, legs, lungs, arms,etc.). Teresa meant the world to me. As her disease progressed, and her body weakened, she became my life. From the moment I opened my eyes til I went to bed at night, I thought of her. And pretty much still do. With me being a nurse, I wanted to fix her. But, it seemed as every treatment we tried, it would work for awhile, then something else would fail. Don't get me wrong, besides me being there for some of her decision making, she had a husband, Michael. He gives a whole new meaning to the word, husband. Michael was there for her every sec of the day at her side. Even through her long months of hospital stays. He was right there for her! I thank God everyday that she was always surrounded with love like that. Today, Nov.18th, they would of been married 17years.

Teresa was the oldest out of us 4 sisters. And theres 2 older brothers too. Growing up, as our mom worked 2 jobs, Teresa was in charge of the girls. She did a good job too. Teresa was always nice when it came to me. (I guess since I'm the baby of the family.) I don't really recall her spanking me or even getting mad at me not once. I always knew when she meant business though. All of her friends proclaimed her as the quiet one. The one you can go to when you needed anything. And that was so true. Teresa never had children of her own. She always said that her nieces and nephews made up for that. Especially since at the end of the day you can give the kids back! LOL  But, somewhere, deep down inside of her I truly believe that Teresa always felt responsible for me. Like I was her child. Even during her darkest hours, she looked for me. She always knew that I would be by to see her or call her everyday. Either way, calls to one another were a couple times a day anyway. Teresa always would say to me as I would walk in," I knew you were coming".  And I would no matter if it was a couple mins a day or what, I had to see her.  Not, distrusting her care, but just to see those eyes happy to see ME!!

I have so much to say about the love I have for my sister. Even being there for her like I was, I have regrets too. But, I wanted to share with the world the person that helped keep my life in order. The person that at her funeral, I was speechless. The person that the world should have known.  I invite you as my friend to share your stories too of your loved ones. Post as many times as you want. Nothing here is too big or too small to share. Let the world know that your loved one was special to you. Will you share?